


Talk to Me

by Serie11



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2014 Dean/Cas Secret Santa Exchange, Alternate Season Nine, Angsty Schmoop, Bunker Fic, Cas doesn't know how to cope with being human, Cas's Birthday, Crowley is stuck in the dungeon, Dean and Sam attempt to cheer Cas up with human traditions, Dean is an oblivious idiot, Human Castiel, Kinda, M/M, Season nine never happened, Sick Sam Winchester, post 8x23
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-07 06:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3163919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serie11/pseuds/Serie11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Sam sick, Crowley in the dungeon and Kevin translating the tablets, it’s up to Dean and Cas to create the drama that usually runs thick through the Winchester’s lives. It’s not like Sam hasn’t seen this coming for a few years but even he’s surprised at the way that it all turns out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talk to Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sorenello](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sorenello/gifts).



Dean flicks through the dusty old book, trying to find _anything_ between its covers. It’s no use, of course. He’s already looked through this book, and probably every other book in the entire bunker, and nothing has come of it yet. Even so, he isn’t willing to give up, not yet.

A loud crash echoes through the underground building, and Dean grits his teeth. He stands up and heads to where he knows the crash came from, the bedroom furthest from the entrance to the bunker. When he goes to open the door, it’s locked, which doesn’t surprise Dean at all.

“Cas!” He yells through the thick wood. “Cas, what have I said about destroying things?”

There’s a long silence before the lock clicks and Cas’s face pokes out from the door. “You said that everything inside the room is mine,” he says grouchily. He looks like he hasn’t shaven in a few days, which is when Dean dragged him out of his room and basically held him down to rid his face of the uneven whiskers.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you can just wreck it!” Dean hisses. “Sam is sleeping.”

“Oh,” Cas replies, mood seeming to become more sombre. “Well, I won’t make any more noise.”

Cas closes the door in his face, and Dean resists the urge to try and rip his own hair out.

~

_“Cas, where are you?” Dean asks, eyes focused on the road. Sam looks like he’s sleeping in the chair next to him, but there’s a trickle of blood coming out of the side of his mouth._

_“I am… Not quite sure. I appear to be in a forest somewhere.” Cas’s voice is tinny over the phone, and Dean finds himself disliking it._

_“Find a road, find a sign, find something. I’m coming to get you, you got it? I’ve just got to get Sam somewhere safe.”_

_“Take care of Sam,” Cas says, voice worried now. “How is he?”_

_Dean flicks his eyes over to his brother. “Not great,” he replies._

_“Take care of him,” Cas repeats, and Dean nods, even though he won’t see it._

_“Yeah. I will.”_

~

Dean pokes his head into Sam’s room. His brother is sleeping, covers tucked up under his chin. His face is drawn, and Dean quietly closes the door after him.

He heads into the kitchen, hoping that Sam would benefit from a good meal, as well as it helping Dean to relax. He digs up an old recipe that’s slightly eaten away by mould for some sort of meat and noodle soup. It sounds pretty good, and he has all of the ingredients, so he starts following the recipe. Soon enough there’s a pot on the stove, and he’s back to trying to figure out how to get Cas to open up to him.

It hadn’t started off like this, not really. Cas had come back to the bunker, had settled in, had helped however he could with Sam. It hadn’t lasted long, though. Soon he’d begun locking himself up in his room, making noise, refusing to eat and shower. It wasn’t like he’d done those happily at first either, but now Dean has to restrain himself sometimes from going into his room to make sure he hasn’t starved to death.

When he carries a bowl into Sam’s room, he’s happy to see that he’s awake.

“Hey Dean,” Sam says. His eyes are slightly bloodshot, but he looks good today.

“Got some food for you,” Dean says.

“Thanks.” Sam grabs the bowl and starts eating happily. Dean smiles and drags a chair over to the side of his bed. He grabs his own bowl and starts eating as well, happy to find that it’s good.

“Did you give some to Cas and Kevin?”

“I knocked on Kevin’s door and told him there was stuff there if he wants to grab some. You know the kid. He eats on his own schedule. I put a bowl outside Cas’s door, if he even notices that it’s there,” Dean says. He’d knocked on Cas’s door and told him that the food was there, but he hadn’t gotten a response.

“He’ll eat it,” Sam reassures him. Dean doesn’t respond, focusing on the food in front of him.

“What do I do with him, Sam?” Dean asks, sighing.

When he looks up, Sam is smiling at him slightly. “He’ll open up to you, Dean. Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s been four months since the Fall, and he’s just closing up as time goes by.” Dean stares at his food, no longer eating.

“Dean.” It takes a few seconds, but Dean looks up at his brother again. “What have you been doing, to try and get over this thing between you two?”

Dean twirls his fork between his fingers as he thinks.

~

_Cas is sitting at the gas station when Dean pulls up. Something in him relaxes when he sees that he’s mostly unhurt, just tired looking. He parks and leaps out of the Impala, heading over to Cas immediately._

_“Cas?” Dean asks, sitting down beside him._

_“Hello Dean,” Cas replies, not looking at him. He’s rubbing his hands together, and Dean focuses on them for a few seconds before continuing._

_“You alright?”_

_Cas looks up at him. The normally bright blue of his eyes are duller than usual, and he looks troubled._

_“Cas?”_

_“I… I met another angel today. Hael. She tried to kill me.”_

_Dean doesn’t know what to say. Cas is obviously alright, except for where he can see his palms scratched and injured. There’s a graze on his forehead as well, but it doesn’t look too serious._

_“You did what you had to do, Cas. She would have killed you.”_

_“I ripped them from their home. I cannot expect them to not take their vengeance.”_

_“Cas, it’s okay. You’re okay. You’re going to come home with me, to me and Sam, okay? We’re going to be safe at the bunker.”_

_“I don’t know if I deserve that,” Cas murmurs._

_Dean looks at him, head bowed over his scratched hands, and isn’t sure what to say._

~

“I’ve tried to feed him, teach him how to be human, talk to him. Nothing seems to be working.”

Sam sighs internally. His brother hasn’t seen the crux of the issue yet, hasn’t seen to the _why_ of Cas, _why_ he’s doing this. He supposes that he can’t blame him – after all, Dean still has deep seated issues stretching back to John. Still, a helping hand won’t hurt, Sam decides.

“Have you thought about why Cas is doing this?” Sam asks tentatively. He doesn’t want to get between them, but he thinks that Dean needs something to chew over.

He sees Dean’s forehead furrow and he lets the silence lay for a few minutes as he eats. Surprisingly, he actually is feeling better – he doesn’t have to fake it today for Dean.

“Well… I suppose it has something to do with being human. That’s what he says, anyway, when we do talk.” Sam thinks that Dean’s toning things down a bit – he can usually hear their ‘talks’ from his room, which is a few hallways away.

“Why would it be about that?” Sam asks him.

There’s another silence, in which Sam finishes his food. He puts the bowl on the bed side table and feels the urge to leave the bed, to get up and _do_ something, not just lie here like he has been for the last few months. God, has it really been that long?

“He hasn’t been human before, that’s why,” Dean says.

“And why would that affect him?” Sam prods, trying to get him to see the reason.

Dean keeps frowning at his food. “I guess… because he’s powerless. Because he can’t just do stuff anymore.”

“That’s part of it,” Sam tells him. Dean rubs a hand over his face.

“But why me? He’s fine with you and Kevin. A bit grouchy, maybe. But fine.”

Sam withholds another sigh. How thick can Dean be?

“You’re different to him, Dean. You know that.”

Dean purses his lips and he flicks his eyes away, like he doesn’t want to think about something. Sam narrows his eyes at the expression.

“Okay, I’ll try and talk to him again.”

“Good,” Sam replies, as Dean gets up and leaves, taking Sam’s empty bowl and Dean’s almost full one with him. He shakes his head as Dean goes, and then settles back into the blankets, a plan to get outside somehow forming in his mind.

~

_Dean pulls up outside the bunker, Cas in the front seat next to him. He locks the Impala after both of them get out and fumbles with the keys to the bunker, needing to get inside to check on Sam._

_“Kevin is looking after him,” Cas says._

_“Yeah,” Dean replies, finally getting the door unlocked._

_“Kevin knows to call you if anything went wrong.”_

_Dean still has a worried frown on his face as he goes down the steps to check on Sam in his room. When he opens the door, he doesn’t go inside, just watching his brother and the young prophet. Both of them are asleep, and if Sam looks pale and sweaty, Dean can put it down to the heat of summer._

_Cas comes up behind him, and Dean shifts slightly so that he can see as well. Dean takes a few steps inside, to quietly touch Kevin’s shoulder. He jumps and turns to face Dean, and Dean is proud to see the demon knife in his hands, even if nothing can get inside the bunker._

_“Thanks Kevin. You can go get some sleep now, if you want,” Dean whispers. Kevin nods, and leaves after nodding to Cas. Dean sits down at his brother’s bedside for a few seconds, looking at him to make sure that nothing’s wrong. He checks Sam’s temperature and tries to give him a little water._

_After a few minutes, he stands and turns, slightly surprised to see Cas still standing there. He walks out and closes Sam’s door behind him, not wanting to disturb Sam._

_“Come on,” Dean says. “Let’s fix up your hands.”_

_Cas hadn’t told him exactly how he’d hurt himself, or what had happened with Hael, and Dean isn’t one to pry into such things. He digs out the gravel in Cas’s hands and puts disinfectant over them, looking up at Cas when he lets out a hiss of pain. But his hands don’t move, and Dean finishes quickly, wiping the blood off his head._

_“You should pick a room,” Dean says. He lets Cas lead, and Cas goes to the end of the hall, which is around the corner from where Dean’s room is, and pretty far away from Sam’s._

_Dean grabs some sheets and teaches Cas how to fold them, military style, just like how John taught him when he was younger. Then he goes and grabs a few things out of his room, shirts that are a bit too small for him, some of his extra boxers and socks and a pair of jeans._

_“It’s late. We’ll talk in the morning, okay?” Dean says. He just wants to sleep. He doesn’t want to think about Sam maybe dying in his room, Cas being human, angels falling from the sky, Crowley in the dungeon, Abaddon on the loose._

_“Dean,” Cas says quietly. Dean turns from where he’d been about to walk out the door to look at Cas._

_“Yeah? What’s up?”_

_“Thank you,” Cas mumbles. “For doing all of this.”_

_“Don’t be an idiot, Cas,” Dean says. “Of course I’m going to do this. It’s not like I’m going to leave you outside with nothing.”_

_Cas stares at him for a few seconds, and Dean finds himself staring back. Cas blinks, and that unusual action is enough to break Dean out of it._

_“I still wish to thank you,” Cas replies. Dean shifts uneasily and then nods._

_“Well, you’re part of the family, Cas. Don’t sweat it.”_

_Cas nods and Dean closes his door, not sure why he’s feeling so out of it just from the last part of the conversation._

~

Dean keeps what Sam had said in mind, especially about Sam saying that the human thing is only part of it. He keeps trying to talk to Cas, tries to make peace, but Cas still won’t leave his room, won’t talk to him. So Dean has to think up some tricks to get Cas out with everyone else.

“Cas,” Dean says, knocking his door. There’s no answer. “Cas, I’m going to go shopping. Sam wants to watch some TV in the main room, and Kevin’s still looking over the tablet, so can you watch over him to make sure that he’s okay? He’s still recovering from the trials.”

Dean trusts Sam to take care of himself, and he’s pretty sure that Kevin’s sleeping or playing video games, but he does need to go shopping, and Cas hasn’t left his room that Dean has seen in a week. Sam had said that part of Cas’s problem is being human, and when Dean had thought about it, he had puzzled out that what Sam meant was that Cas wants to be able to do something useful, and he feels that he can’t because he doesn’t have any angelic powers anymore. This is something that Cas can do, and it doesn’t involve Dean, which is why he thinks Cas will come out.

Sure enough, the lock clicks, and Cas pokes his head out of the door. Dean doesn’t flinch at his appearance, simply continuing on as if everything is normal.

“He’s feeling better, but I still want someone to make sure he doesn’t tire himself out.”

Cas narrows his eyes at him. “I can do that,” he says, and then pushes past Dean. Dean sighs, but at least Cas is out of his room. It’s a start.

~

_“Cas, let me in!” Dean yells through the door. “What are you doing in there?”_

_“Nothing!” Cas yells back._

_“Don’t make me break this door down!” Dean shouts. “I’ll do it!”_

_“You can try!” Cas shouts back._

_“Fuck,” Dean mutters. He runs back to his room to grab his lock picking tools, and wasted no time in unlocking Cas’s door. Cas screeches at him as he comes in, but that doesn’t stop Dean from going to where he’s curled up in a corner. Dean wraps his arms around him even as Cas tries to fight him off, but when Cas is sure that Dean isn’t going anywhere, he stops fighting, crying into Dean’s front. Dean isn’t sure what set him off, but he’d walked up to Cas’s door to the sound of sobbing._

_Cas doesn’t offer up any explanations, and Dean doesn’t ask anything, just offering his warmth and comfort to him._

~

Dean has to keep on thinking up other things that will get Cas out of his room. Sam helps – apparently Cas likes Star Trek. Sam takes him through all of the different seasons, and sometimes, just sometimes, when Dean gives Sam some food, Cas will accept some as well without complaint.

Dean asks Kevin to try and get him to help with some translations on the tablet, which seems to confound them both, but still gets Cas to be doing something, rather than sitting in his room brooding, which is what Dean assumes he’s doing. He’s still hostile towards Dean, which Dean hasn’t figured out yet, besides the reason he doesn’t want to think about, but he refuses to rise to Cas’s bait, treating him cordially and offering food, trying to restrain himself from threats. He tries to tell himself that he isn’t Cas’s keeper, but there’s the lingering image of Cas high as a kite, strung out on drugs and sex and alcohol that Dean can’t banish, no matter how hard he tries. He scours the bunker for any drugs and keeps all the booze in one place where he keeps a close eye on it. Cas isn’t going out voluntarily, so Dean doesn’t have to worry about the sex part, but he still worries about everything else.

Sam is gradually getting better. Dean’s cut off as much as he can from the outside world, but he can’t help but see some things when he’s on his laptop. Murders, disappearances and strange occurrences are all over news sites, but he doesn’t feel the urge to do anything. He hasn’t spoken to Crowley since he put the demon in the dungeon, and he doesn’t want to talk to him, not until Sam is better. Kevin is feeling less pressure as well, which is good in Dean’s books. Cas is still being bitchy for some reason that Dean can’t understand, but which he thinks Sam has figured out. It annoys him that his brother isn’t sharing, but maybe he thinks that it’s better that he figure this out, that it would be better for him and Cas, and their relationship, whatever that is.

It bugs him, sometimes. Cas is a friend, sure. But Kevin is also a friend. And Cas and Kevin are far, far different. Cas isn’t like Sam either – he feels differently towards Cas than he does Sam. And after what had happened between them a month ago… Most of the time, when he gets to this, he puts the subject away, to fester and twist and turn uneasily at the back of his mind. Today is no different, and he changes his mental subject with a shake of his head.

Dean is cleaning up after dinner, washing the dishes in the large industrial sink that the bunker possesses. He has Sam and Kevin’s plates as well as his own, but Cas is nowhere to be seen. Dean withholds a sigh and keeps washing. When the door squeaks he thinks nothing of it, since it’s probably Kevin just getting a drink before bed.

So he’s surprised when an empty plate is put down on the bench with the other dirty plates. He doesn’t move besides looking over at Cas, who has finally shaved, and it looks like he’s taken a shower recently. His hair is still slightly wet, and he smells clean.

He doesn’t say anything when Cas picks up a tea towel and starts drying off the dishes. They work in silence for a few minutes while Dean finishes, and then wipes down the bench. He and Cas put the dry dishes away, and then Dean turns towards him.

“Did you like dinner?” Dean asks him.

Cas nods, and Dean mentally puts down basil pasta as something Cas likes.

“That’s good,” Dean says. “Did you and Sam finish Deep Space Nine yet?”

“We are nearly done,” Cas says.

Not wanting to waste this strange peace between them, Dean pulls out a seat at the kitchen counter and sits down. Cas doesn’t, going around to the other side of the counter and looking at him from there.

“Cas,” Dean starts, but he doesn’t get much further.

“I have no wish to hear you speak about my behaviour, Dean.”

Dean sighs and rubs his hand over his face. “Cas, I get that being human is different to what you’ve been being for the last thousand years.”

“It was longer than that, Dean. Far longer.”

“Right,” Dean answers, not in the mood for any sort of argument between them. “Being human is different, Cas, yeah. But I just want to know why you’re being so shitty to me. You don’t do it to Sam, or Kevin.” Even as he speaks, Cas’s cold room and Sam’s words come back to him.

_Lips pressed firmly against his as Cas’s tears wet his cheeks._

_You’re different to him, Dean. You know that._

But that would mean that Dean got the nice treatment, not the worst. Or at least, that’s what should be happening, in Dean’s book.

Cas lowers his eyes and doesn’t say anything. It frustrates Dean to no end, and he runs a hand through his hair.

“ _Why_ , Cas?”

“I don’t know,” Cas mumbles.

“Bullshit,” Dean replies. “That is complete and utter bullshit.”

They stay there, with Dean watching Cas and Cas looking at the floor. Finally, Dean sighs.

“Look, Cas. You need to get used to being human. I’m pretty sure that it’s not reversible, and taking it out on me is not going to help. If you need a punching bag, then fine. I can be that. But I need you to talk to me. I can’t just go past your room wondering what’s going on in there, wondering if you’re okay. I can’t do that.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I’m not going anywhere, Cas. You can fight against me for as long as you want, but I’m going nowhere. I’m going to be there for you, no matter what.”

Cas hasn’t moved, and Dean shakes his head. He’s said what he needs to, and now Cas needs to think over it.

As he walks past him, Cas’s hand shoots out to grab his arm. Dean pauses and looks at him, with his head bowed and eyes lowered.

“Why did you come out here, Cas?” Dean asks softly.

“I don’t want to fight with you anymore,” Cas says quietly.

“Me either,” Dean replies. He looks down at Cas’s hand on his skin, and thinks that it’s the first time he’s touched him in several weeks.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Cas begins to lean into him. Dean finally just hooks an arm around his waist to gather him in, tucking his head under Dean’s chin. Cas grips his shirt firmly, and Dean breathes in the smell of his hair as they stand there quietly. Cas starts shaking, and Dean just strokes up and down his back, while his other hand threads its way through his hair to rub at his scalp gently.

“I don’t care about any of what happened, Cas. Don’t worry about any of it.”

“How can you not blame me for all the things that I’ve done?” Cas asks him. “How can you just let it go? What do I have to do before you blame me?”

“I’d have blamed you if I’d found you dead,” Dean replies. “I’d have blamed you for that.” Just the thought of it makes him want to be sick.

Cas shudders and leans against him harder.

They stand there together for a long time.

~

_“I’m worried about him, Sam.”_

_“You’re always worried about him,” Sam replies wearily. “Dean, he needs to learn to take care of himself.”_

_“It’s gone beyond normal. He was just sitting in the corner of his room, crying. What am I mean to do about that?”_

_There’s a pause. “Dean, you know him better than I do.”_

_“But I don’t know_ what _to do!”_

_“Look, he’s adjusting. Talk to him. Get him to open up. Take care of him.”_

_“He won’t let me,” Dean mutters angrily, digging a toe into the carpet._

_Sam narrows his eyes slightly and Dean can see thoughts begin to run through his head._

_“What is it?” He asks._

_“Nothing. Maybe. I just thought of something. Look, Dean. You do what you think’s best. Just don’t screw things up, alright?”_

_Dean shrugs with one shoulder. “Okay. Yeah, I’ll try.”_

~

Things get a little easier after that. Cas is still grouchy, but Dean thinks that it’s a more normal type of grouchiness – Cas usually gets better in the mornings after Dean gives him a cup of coffee. He’s sure that everything between them hasn’t been worked out just yet, but now at least Cas will stand in the same room as him. He can watch the Lord of Rings movies with Cas and Sam without reprisals – and if Cas falls asleep on him halfway through _Two Towers_ , well, that’s nobody’s business but Dean’s. Dean finally gets over freaking out every time Sam gets up at the crack of dawn to jog for some reason that’s beyond him, and Sam seems to relax as well.

As September goes past, Dean finds himself looking at the calendar in the kitchen. It’s one from the original inhabitants of the bunker, dusty and old. But it’s helpful to keep track of the dates and times, and occasionally Dean will pencil something in lightly when he needs to remember something.

_September 18_

The date is underlined in pencil, but nothing else is written on it. There doesn’t need to be anything else written on it. Dean knows what the date means, and everyone else in the bunker doesn’t need to know that it’s in his calendar, even when he’s sure he’s the only one that looks at it.

Footsteps come up behind him, and Dean doesn’t need to look to know that it’s his brother. He drops the calendar so that the pages fall down and settle, and turns to face Sam.

He’s just come in from his morning jog, which means that Cas, who isn’t a morning person, isn’t out of bed yet, and Kevin may not have gone to bed yet, working (or playing) the night away.

“I’ve been thinking,” Dean says. “Now that Cas is human, we should celebrate a birthday for him. It’s something human for him to be happy about.”

Sam purses his lips, but nods after a second. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. But when? And it’s not exactly like he was born either. You can’t call it a birthday.”

“I’ve got a date,” Dean replies. “And what else are meant to call it? An existence day? Here you go, a day for celebrating that you exist.”

“Sounds like a good idea,” Sam says. “He gets an existence cake.”

Apparently Sam hadn’t picked up on the sarcasm in his statement. “All right, are we just going to do cake? Or like, everything else?”

“Just cake,” Sam asserts, after thinking about it for a few seconds. “We don’t want to overwhelm him.”

“Surprise existence day,” Dean muses. “Okay, sounds good. Eighteenth of September, here we come.”

Cas does get a bit leery when Dean says he’s going shopping instead of watching _Indiana Jones_ , but Sam drags him back to the main room when Cas tries to say that he’ll accompany Dean. Dean picks up enough stuff at the store to make a cake (Sam had shot down his idea of pie) and then heads back to the bunker. Sam and Cas are nearly done with the movie, so Dean puts away all of his ingredients, so that Cas wouldn’t spot any of them. Then he goes in to catch the tail end of the movie, sitting between Cas and Sam, but ending up nearer to Cas. Cas is leaning on his shoulder slightly as it finishes, and Dean is trying not to see the raised eyebrow that Sam is sending him.

Sam asks if he got everything after Cas leaves to grab a drink, and Dean nods. Sam flashes a smile at him, and Dean finds himself hoping that Cas will understand what they’re trying to do for him.

~

_“Cas?” Dean asks hesitantly as he pushes open his door slightly. Cas hasn’t resorted to locking him out yet, thank goodness._

_“What do you want?” Cas asks. He’s sitting on his bed in some of the clothes that Dean had given him, and has a book in his hands. He puts it on his bedside table, and Dean dismisses it._

_“Do you want to talk about what happened?” He asks cautiously. He’s not exactly sure what to say here, since he’s not normally the sharing and caring type, but he can try. For Cas._

_“No,” Cas says petulantly. “I don’t want to talk about it.”_

_“Cas, you can’t just keep stuff bottled up inside you. It’s not healthy.”_

_“You do it,” Cas accuses._

_“Yeah, well I’m not the best of role models,” Dean says. “Look, just talk to me, this one time. What’s wrong?”_

_“You want to know what’s wrong?” Cas asks. Dean can only nod._

_Cas stands up slowly, not really looking at him. “Not only am I powerless, I am unable to help. I can feel Crowley, which is why I chose this room – it is the furthest one away from him. His presence is disgusting. I cannot do anything about him, however, so I stay away. I cannot help Sam, through my knowledge, or through my powers, because I have none, and I cannot heal him. Not to mention, that I cannot… I cannot…” Cas shakes his head violently, and Dean sees a tear slide down his face._

_“Cas…” Dean says._

_“How can you humans deal with it? The_ emotions _?”_

_“Cas what are –”_

_Cas steps forward and Dean realises what’s about to happen a second too late to stop it. Cas’s lips are rough and Dean can feel the wetness of his tears on his own cheeks. Before he can kiss back, Cas is pulling away, shoving Dean out the door and locking it behind him. Dean puts a hand on the heavy wood and tries to regain his breath._

_“Cas,” he tries to say, but there’s no answer, and Dean hadn’t been expecting one. “Damn it,” he mutters quietly._

_He reaches a hand up to touch a finger to his lips, imagining that he can still feel Cas’s lips against his own._

~

On the eighteenth, Sam and Dean recruit Kevin to take Cas out to a larger town than the small one near the bunker, which gives Dean and Sam more time to prepare. Sam doesn’t do any cooking, merely fetching ingredients if Dean asks him to get something, and providing a running commentary on the sidelines. It’s the most peaceful time that Dean’s spent with him in a while, and he likes it, likes getting to joke around with Sam with no large issues lying around that they’ll eventually have to deal with.

Of course, he was discounting the one issue that they are dealing with at the moment. He had thought that Sam would have the curtesy to avoid it, but apparently not.

“So, how are you and Cas going?”

“Really? You’re going to do this now?”

“When else am I meant to do it? I don’t want Cas or Kevin to walk in on us. That would be awkward.”

“Yeah,” Dean mutters.

“So?” Sam pushes.

“Well, he’s getting used to being human. He’s better than he used to be, at least. Not so hostile.”

Dean lays out the cake, and doesn’t look at Sam. Sam sighs softly. “Dean, it’s more than him just adapting to being human. Why do you think that he focused all of his negative attention on you, when he got here? What did you say to him the night you made up?”

“He was just kind of freaking out, I guess,” Dean mutters.

Sam is shaking his head when Dean looks at him again. “You still don’t see it, do you?” He asks. “Dean, he was trying to push you away. Trying to make you leave him.”

Dean stares at him for a few seconds. “Why? That doesn’t make sense.”

Sam looks up at the ceiling before responding. “He wanted to see if he could push you away, Dean. If what he did could make you leave. Because you were the one who was going to stick by him, if anyone was going to. If he could make you leave then, when he wasn’t dependant on you, then it wouldn’t have broken him in half when you did later.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Dean hisses. “He wouldn’t do that.” But even as he speaks, he’s connecting the pieces together, and oh, how they fit. “I wouldn’t leave him,” he whispers. He’d just thought that Cas was embarrassed about kissing him or something, but Sam’s words make too much sense.

“I know that,” Sam says. “But he didn’t, not for sure. Especially after how you were treating him before the Fall happened.”

Dean stares down at the cake. “He wouldn’t have broken apart. He can take care of himself.”

Sam stares at him and Dean doesn’t look at Sam.

“You worried about him, I know, when he was here. But that’s not when I was worried. As soon as he got here, I knew he’d be fine, because you were here as well. But when he was by himself…” Sam shakes his head.

Dean grits his teeth. He’s saved by having to say anything by the bunker door opening and Sam casts a look at him. Dean nods and they both store the emotions they’d been working with, if only for the next hour or so, while they eat cake with Kevin and Cas.

Kevin comes down first, and he calls Cas into the kitchen. Cas comes in slowly, narrowing his eyes at the sight of all three of them standing around a chocolate cake with one candle on it, which is in the shape of a large question mark.

“What is this?” Cas asks slowly, obviously trying to figure out what’s going on.

“Happy existence day, Cas,” Sam says, before Dean can. He casts a stink eye at his brother, who just smirks at him in return.

“Yeah, Cas. We thought that since you’re human now, you should have a birthday, but since we don’t know when your birthday is, we chose to have an existence day party instead.” Cas still isn’t saying anything, just looking at the cake on the kitchen bench. “You know, to celebrate your existence.”

“That seems rather strange, considering the fact that no one else celebrates their birthdays,” Cas says. He looks at Dean, cocking his head slightly.

Dean rolls his eyes. “Yeah, well we wanted to make sure that your first year is celebrated.” _Not to mention we have no idea if any of us are going to be here next year._ “So I made a cake, Kevin distracted you for a while, and Sam provided the annoying comments.”

Sam huffs at that. “Still, it is a strange thing to do,” Cas continues. Dean continues staring at Cas, wondering if perhaps he wasn’t quite getting it yet. They were trying to do something _nice_ for Cas and he was kinda of blowing them off. He could see Sam fighting a smile out of the corner of his eye, and that just made him even more irritated.

“Cas, can you come with me please?” Dean says, smiling through gritted teeth.

“Certainly,” Cas replies. He follows Dean to the living room, where Dean rounds on him.

“Can’t you see that we’re just trying to help?” Dean says, trying to control himself and keep the volume level under control. Cas is frowning at him, and that just makes Dean even more annoyed.

“I can tell that you and Sam and Kevin are trying to help by providing your cultural norms for me. But they are not my norms, Dean.”

“Cas,” he says, exasperated. “We just want you to see the brighter side of things, okay? We just want you to have some fun.”

Cas seems to think that over for a few seconds. “Does this include an existence day wish?”

“If you want it to,” Dean says, raising an eyebrow.

“Very well then,” Cas says. He heads back out to the kitchen, where apparently Kevin and Sam had been awkwardly talking while Dean and Cas had been speaking.

“You ready for the festivities?” Sam asks.

“Course,” Dean scoffs. “Cas has seen the error of his ways.” Cas rolls his eyes.

Sam laughs at them while Kevin just looks vaguely annoyed. The entire thing goes off pretty well after that – they even sing a modified version of happy birthday. Cas blows out the candle and cuts the cake, Sam telling him to make a wish. Kevin chimes in, telling him to not tell anyone if he wants it to come true. Kevin leaves after he gets a piece of Dean’s cake, and Sam serves the rest of them happily. Cas makes a surprised sound as he bites into the cake, and Dean smiles at him.

“Tastes good, huh?” Dean grins at him, and Cas nods.

“Yes Dean. I like it.”

Dean casts a look at Sam, and Sam rolls his eyes, but he stands up.

“Guys, I had fun tonight, but I’m tired now. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

“Goodnight, Sam,” Cas says.

“Night, Sam,” Dean echoes.

Sam leaves, and Dean turns to look at Cas, who is still eating his cake.

“Do you want another piece before I put it away?” Dean asks. He can still see Cas’s ribs when he comes out without a shirt on in the mornings, and he’d feel better if he put on some more weight.

“Yes please,” Cas answers. Dean cuts him another piece, and then starts hunting around the kitchen for a container to put the cake in, so it won’t dry out in the fridge.

Cas finishes his first piece and starts eating the second.

“So what did you wish for?” Dean asks him as he puts the cake into a container.

Cas doesn’t say anything, and Dean turns around to see Cas pushing the rest of his cake around his bowl.

“Cas?”

Cas shrugs slightly. Dean purses his lips, and goes to sit next to him.

“I thought that you weren’t meant to tell, or it won’t come true.”

_Yeah, but I’ve got a pretty good idea what you wished for._

Cas isn’t looking at him, so Dean leans over so that when Cas turns his head, he’s right in his space. Cas sucks in a breath and his eyes flick down to Dean’s lips.

“Cas,” Dean murmurs. “You didn’t let me talk to you, last time.”

Cas sucks in a breath and slowly lets his eyes fall closed as Dean leans in and brushes their lips together. Cas whimpers slightly when Dean kisses him, hands coming up to rest on his shoulders, as if he doesn’t know what to do with them.

When Dean pulls back, Cas is looking at him with wonder in his eyes. “You never said…” Cas says softly.

“You never gave me a chance,” Dean replies. He ducks his head again and Cas meets him eagerly, hands sliding up into his hair.

“Shit Cas,” Dean murmurs. Cas kisses him back, and Dean can’t find it in himself to care that it’s slightly sloppy and inexperienced.

Dean slides his hands up into Cas’s hair, gently pressing open Cas’s mouth with his tongue. Cas’s cake lies forgotten on the table as they kiss, Cas’s breath catching and Dean trying to contain himself, not wanting to rush this thing between them.

Cas stands up, obviously not happy with the distance between them, and Dean finds himself wholeheartedly agreeing with him. He stands up as well, hands wondering down to touch everything that they can, eager to get to skin. Dean turns them around and presses Cas up against the bench, getting rid of all of the space between them. He doesn’t even know how long he’s wanted this, Cas long and lean up against him, mouths moving against each other. Cas had just been… Cas, and then he’d been more than just Cas, he’d been important and a stable force in Dean’s life, appearing whenever he called, ready to help with whatever problem Dean had, whether it be fighting demons or asking Cas to help him prank Sam. While the last few months had been hard, and sometimes it had almost seemed like Cas wasn’t in their lives at all with him locked up in his room, Dean had had the knowledge that Cas was there, wasn’t going anywhere, and that had made him think about them, think about all of what is happening now. Of course, Cas kissing him had helped him confront his feelings, even if he’d never say those words aloud in his entire life.

He eventually leans back, opening his eyes to find Cas already staring at him. It’s on the tip of his tongue to ask him not to do that, but the words fade before he can even open his mouth to speak them.

“It’s late,” Dean says softly.

“Yes,” Cas replies. Dean huffs out a laugh and starts pulling him towards the bedrooms. “Where are we going?”

“We are going to sleep,” Dean says easily. “Come on.”

Cas follows him into his room and they strip until they’re both in their underwear. Dean holds the covers up for Cas and he slides in after him.

Cas turns over so they’re facing each other, and Dean simply locks eyes with him, content to stare.

“Good night Cas,” he whispers softly.

“Good night,” Cas replies. His eyes fall shut and Dean lets a small smile grace his mouth. He closes his own eyes, feeling a hell of a lot peaceful than he had a few hours ago. Cas is safe beside him, and Sam and Kevin are sleeping soundly.

He doesn’t know how much time has passed when he opens his eyes again and looks over at Cas. He’s drifted off to sleep, eyes closed and breathing steady. Things aren’t perfect – the angels are still out there, still needing to be dealt with. Crowley is still in the dungeon. Abaddon is probably taking over Hell, Metatron, the dick, is still in Heaven. But maybe, just maybe, they can deal with it – together. With Sam back on his feet, Kevin discovering new things from the tablet every day, and Cas by his side, Dean is feeling unexpectedly hopeful about the entire situation.

He rolls over onto his side and wraps Cas up in his arms. Deciding to leave thinking about anything to the next day, he takes comfort in Cas’s warmth and steady heartbeat that he can feel under his hand. He closes his eyes and breathes in Cas’s scent, letting it calm him and settle him into sleep.

Cas shifts closer to him, and Dean smiles softly as he slips into unconsciousness.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! :D


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